Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Plan to straighten Earth’s tilt meets opposition from druids

The renowned physicist Professor Apex’s annoyance at having to adjust his clock every spring and autumn led to the, by now, well known plan to straighten the Earth on its axis.

After months of negotiating with the ‘Russians’, Saturn V rockets, one at each pole, were last night finally moved into place and secured horizontally, pointing, of course, in opposite directions.

A Super injunction, served on behalf of the Solstice Druids Souvenir Stonehenge Co-operative, halted Prof. Apex’s plans seconds before he was about to ‘push the button’.

“Don’t they realise,” Prof. Apex fumed at this reporter, “that the tilt of the Earth on its axis is causing all kinds of problems? Clocks have to be put back and forth every year, summer is winter in the southern hemisphere, birds are contributing to global warming with all that unnecessary migrating. It’s costing the world billions.”

A pro-tilt spokesman stopped playing his bongos long enough to say, “We like the tilt. Jobs rely on it. Sublime summer solstice. Oh, yeah baby.”

A police spokesman confirmed, “They’ll all f*cking bonkers. If that daft tw*t gets his way and straightens the f*cking Earth, who’s to say we wont all fall the f*ck off?! And if that gormless f*ck-wit wearing bed-sheets doesn’t stop playing his f*cking bongos I’ll shove ‘em right up his f*cking henge.”

An anti-tilt rally is being organised to coincide with the winter solstice in Rochdale at which Prof. Apex has vowed to continue his fight.

Tilt supporters remain unmoved.

1 comment:

  1. :-)

    I'd just like to say that I fully support this kind of silliness.

    The writing, that is. Not the axis-fiddling.